Babies

 Goodness we are having a baby boom, between patients and my own family almost a half dozen babies have been born in the last few months.  And we have one more to go - with my daughter in law due in October - a baby girl.  Oma.  That will be me.  

More on ‘grandmotherhood’ later.  First baby booms - why now.   For my patients the majority of those who delivered were new to me over the past year in various stages of gestation.  Each of them came from one of ‘those’ states where the abortion laws are so heinous that their lives would be endangered if anything happened to the baby…

I simply cannot wrap my head around the ignorance in the country about the basics of conception, gestation and childbirth.  Many regions in this country are living in the dark ages.  Forbidding  sex education in schools is the first step.  Then the ignorance is hammered home in the churches - and then the politicians start, followed by the media in manipulating folks so that they can win votes to continue to grift against those who put them in office. 

This country has not only been at war with immigrants, but they have ALWAYS been at war against women.  I have worked in a man’s world for my entire career and I always wonder why we have to call it ‘a man’s world’.  I can and have done my work better than my male counterparts in all my careers.  I have had men take credit for that work and then deny they did it.  

But I will say, I think my life has been happier, more adventurous and more peaceful than theirs.  I never wanted to be in competition with men - when my ex and I worked in the same field, he would demean my successes.  When I went to study medicine, he tried to disrupt the process in an effort to make me fail, or struggle more.  Of course he denied it.  But the bottom line is that spouses should never be competitive.  

Hence the phrase ‘ex’.  Took me a while to realize that the competition was not about technical expertise - who was smarter, etc.  It was more about who was happier.   Which led to my realization that marriages fail if there is a mismatch on the happiness score.   Two people can be unhappy souls together, or happy souls together - but if one gets happy while the other is unhappy (and unwilling to give up that unhappiness) the relationship is destined to fail.  

The good news is once he was free, he found someone as miserable as he was and they have been together ever since.  

Me??  I’m a solo entity.  Knew it from the minute I was born that the standard family life wasn’t in my purview.  And then I let my own insecurities get in the way and I tried it anyway.  Finding my personal truth took away those insecurities.  Took a while. Especially that I was raising two kids on my own - for the most part - he did get partial custody but the kids didn’t want to go stay with him.  I think they opted for happiness.  

It shows in their lives.  They are happy, independent  and productive. They have found their soul mates and have created lives that are pretty darn good. 

I’m not quite sure HOW that happened, except that they were raised to know their own personal truth.  I’m proud of them and the women they have chosen.  

And now I’m going to be an Oma.  I will be lucky to live long enough to see this little girl graduate from high school.  So many women have said to me - just wait until you have your grandchild, you are going to want to be there in their lives.  Diapers, formula, baby food….oh dear lord, I barely survived it the first time around.  Somewhere that nurturing gene got lost.  I tried so hard to be a stay at home mother with my first born…and I was so miserable that own doctor told me I needed to work, get out of the house, do something for my brain.  He was right.  

Going to work and working on my career, allowed me to be a better mother, I guess.  My mom told me that too, that it was no failure to not be able to stay home with a baby - that happiness was the key to being a better parent.

Maybe that’s what happened - I found my happiness - my fulfillment - and my kids became part of that.  So I will be here for this granddaughter, and my great great grandniece - just not in the traditional way.  If anything I hope to teach them to never sacrifice themselves to someone else’s belief system and to find their personal truth.  

I wish that for every soul.