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good intentions

 Well, every night I do the same thing at least on my work days.  I’m still working full-time. And I’m pushing 70. So I come home every night with the same plan. Tidy up the house a bit, play with the animals, eat dinner Work about an hour and go to bed early. I’m tired when I come home. I always think I’m going to go to bed early so here it is almost 11, which is not early and I’m only now climbing into bed. Which means that 5 AM book comes too quickly. And as I fall asleep, I wonder why I am still doing this. It’s a fleeting thought, Regretting that I did not retire. And then I stop and think about my day. my job is a lot more involved than just simple primary care. The majority of my patients are broken, some physically almost all emotionally. How much of my day is just allowing them to vent and talk cry laugh what they need. Maybe that’s why I’m slow to sleep because I’m reconciling their stories in my head. I am beyond grateful for my life and my family. We went through t...
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D-day, endings and beginnings…

 Yesterday was D Day.  One of my patients, who has since passed away, was on Omaha Beach that day. He recounted to me when I met him that he remembered being on the transport heading to the beach.  The soldiers said a prayer as they beached, all believing that they probably would not survive the day. He told me, he woke up the next morning, surprised.  Every day after that if someone asked him how he was - he would say “Every morning, I wake up surprised”.  He survived to come home, marry, have children, grandchildren and great grandchildren…he was eternally grateful.   He was part of the group of veterans invited to the D Day ceremony in 2019.  He brought me the permission slip, medically clearing him to go. He was 95 - his health was fair.  My initial thought was, should I clear someone this elderly to go across the world for several celebrations.  However instead I asked him 2 questions. 1. Did he want to go?  (yes he did). And 2. If ...
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Reminiscing

 Thinking of updating the old Sonny and Cher song to “the bots go on”.  read about the shutdown of the netherlands bot farm.  Kill one, five more show up. 
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The most important thing in life

 your soul
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Mothers Day

 it was a great day. That’s what my daughter-in-law told me to say in my journal today. And it was a great day. It’s the first time I’ve had one of my kids home for Mother’s Day in years.  The world‘s going to hell in a handbasket, but at least I managed to have one great day.
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Broken - almost

 After 30 some odd years in medicine, few things have broken me down to tears.  There are times when I get teary - those are usual events especially in what I call a terminal appointment.  The patients know this will be their last visit, and have come to say goodbye and thank you.   I get to know my patients, and in family medicine I know their families. I know who they are related to - we share stories, and life events all the time.  A new dog or cat - the phones come out and pictures are shown around.  New children, grand children, the same.  The patients rejoice in our team’s lives as well.  We get asked how the soccer game went last night of one of the staff’s children, how did the other nurse’s sheep place in the state fair, etc.   After so many years, the practice has become a community - and in a way family.  In our clinic there are no barriers - we don’t care what race, religion, or belief system they have.  We are the safe ...
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The Ides of March

 No, today is not the ides of march, that is tomorrow. Today is actually Pi day which is cool all on its own.   But the middle of March is relevant to me in many ways.   In late February 1992, I walked into my supervisor’s office and said - ‘Beware the Ides of March’ - he had no clue what I was referring to (not even the Shakespeare reference) - so my next sentence was ‘the middle of March is my last day, I quit”.   I was in a job that was never my idea, the technology was changing so fast that I would have had to go back to school to keep up and stay relevant.  While I was good at what I did, I actually found the work tedious and simple.  Telecom/data management/systems engineering was not my forte. In early 1992 I made the decision to jump out of a career field I had no interest in to completely change my life.  I had spent the past 2 years applying to medical schools. The first year was of denials, I think they thought I was a housewife that suddenl...
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