rested

 Geez I haven't been to the beach in years and this trip was wonderful because I was a guest - and I truly got to rest.  In the past with family trips, I have always been the organizer, the instigator and pretty much master of ceremonies. 

This trip last week, I had no responsibilities. I did clean up the kitchen a few times, made some treats for the kids, and showed them how to jump off a dock.

So back at work, the heat is awful, the AC has been more off than on in the clinic, but I'm still in my zen space.  Next trip is to Chicago for a conference - less relaxing but will get to see my youngest on the way out and back.  

Today in the office I had a discussion with a patient and his wife about end of life issues. They are both older than I am (spring chicken left a long time ago) but had never thought about what their wishes were as time goes on.  I've had experience in considering end of life issues.  I'm ten years clear of the cancer and still here.  I know I'm slowing down mentally and physically - and fighting it the whole way dammit. 

This year something shifted in me when I decided to not retire. I realized I am not done yet - I still have mileage in me and I should not give up.  I was at that point last Christmas.  But I found my light and it reignited by life once again.  And shortly after that a miracle happened.  My daughter in law called me - after 5 years of infertility they had given up - both are approaching 40 (How in the hell can I have a kid that old, but I have not one but TWO, sigh).  Well.- as it usually happens, when you give up on infertility, pregnancy happens.  Baby is due in October - and I will officially be an Oma.  And my great niece is due in July and they will call me GG - and my friends I went to the beach with? They call me grandma2.  

In the times of upheaval and darkness that permeates our world, there are glimmers of light - I intend on continuing my efforts to feed that light.  The world needs it.