In times of darkness

 This country has gone mad.  Well, a certain percentage anyway.  We are a country of toxic capitalism.  Americans have gotten soft, lazy, and entitled.  They have been guided by state media to fear and hate - the mechanisms of control by bad actors who have taken over our country.  

Last year, I was planning my retirement, time to change my life again - moving into a different phase.  Then darkness took over.  I felt despair, angst, and even hatred toward those who had their heads so far up their own assholes, they developed the tunnel vision of looking out their own belly button. 

Yep. I was angry.  Very.  I saw my retirement plans dissolve - knowing the regime that was about to take over, Trusting retirement income was going to be difficult.  

And then I got my perspective back.  One of my favorite podcasts is Living Myth..and in January the subject was surviving times of darkness.   The phrase 'in times of darkness, do not let anyone take your light' hit me like a smack in the face.  

I stepped back and looked just at my situation and saw it wasn't so dire.  I have my health, and my mind.  Did I need to retire?  The truth was..no I didn't.  True, being a fed employee it is possible I will lose my job anyway, but as a physician, finding a replacement job would probably take an entire 10 minutes.  

So I took a breath, canceled my retirement plans and continued soldiering on.  And I discovered my light.  My work IS my light. It is the path the universe set me upon so many years ago.  Once I let go of my angst and really focused on my work, I realized that I had the ability to provide comfort for people who are in the same mind space I found myself in. 

I encourage them to find their light - move to a more simple life style.  The four Rs...Reuse, recycle, refuse, resist are what runs through my mind when I am considering purchasing anything.  I have cut back going to the large stores. I found a year round farmers market nearby (I had NO clue it was there and had been for years).  They grow in hothouses during the winter months so fresh greens are always available.  

I am on a mission to simplify my life, declutter, downsize in preparation for. my eventual retirement down the road (whenever that will be).   I am not traveling this year.  It just doesn't feel right. 

I do pay attention to current events, it is stupid not to. It breaks my heart to see how our long time allies and friends no longer trust us. And they shouldn't - not as long as almost half this country has lost its collective mind.  We are monitored at work - they are looking for anyone who speaks negatively of the current regime - and one runs the risk of losing their job.  It's crazy.  It seems like Weimar all over again.  And we all know how that ended....

So I sit, and pay attention - and bide my time. As my dad would say, sometimes you just need to stay in the foxhole with your head down until the cross fire stops.  And while I'm there, I will endeavor to keep my spiritual self intact, and my outlook positive.  No one is going to steal my light.