Saturday night

 My iPad is dying…it’s pretty old, so I broke down and bought a new one - and added a keyboard to it.   I find that there are times when I want to blog, but can’t get to the main computer upstairs.  So this Saturday, it’s quiet in the house.  The cats are mostly snoozing - Blaise is staring at me, she knows she gets treats before bedtime.  

She will just have to stare. 

Had dinner with my nephew’s wife tonight. She and I have not had a chance to have a good natter in a long time. Usually family is around.  This was just us and we got deep into topics that I don’t normally share with folks.

She is starting to understand my fascination with megalithic sites around the world, and how technology has advanced to the point where even more is being learned…it is a good distraction in this day.  While I do keep up on the news (usually through foreign sources) It is exhausting to be living day by day in this country. 

So our conversation tonight went into a variety of topics, and as we were leaving I pointed out that had anyone else been there, we would have never found out that we have so many interests in common. I told her about the podcast that I listened to about Jesus in India, which has haunted me since hearing it.  What if Jesus DIDN’T die, but left to maintain the martyrdom to spread the word of God, which then became a political movement and spiraled out of control, which is what usually happens when men get their hands on power and wealth.

The reason we were going out, we were celebrating her and my nephew becoming grandparents last Wednesday. Beautiful girl, I will be “GG” to her, for Great Great Aunt.  So one baby down, and one to go.  These little ones have brought the family together like I have not seen.  It’s so lovely. 

We got notified at work today that our jobs are considered safe at this time, which works for me -  I’m just biding my time and am doing the job that the universe has always intended for me to do.  Age has mellowed me -  aches and pains haunt me - but I refuse to stop.  Not yet anyway.  Life is shifting - I am getting older, and I find that the kids are talking about me behind my back - they worry about me being alone.  I just worry about what the future holds.   

I used to tease the kids that I would move in with them when I could no longer care for myself.  It’s a daunting feeling as I age, my world will become smaller.  It has for several of my friends who no longer travel - we are approaching death’s waiting room.  Which makes the two new souls born into our family a reminder that life goes on.  

When I was a child, I remember resenting being born - I didn’t want to be here.  I had that feeling for a long time - I didn’t want to have any hangers into this world, I was here to do a job, my mantra was get in, do the job, and get out.  I remember this thought when we lived in NJ, which makes me pretty damn young to have this thought. 

I also remember when my thinking changed - life has a way of doing that. Marriage, children, dog, house, and being an indentured servant to society.  That so didn’t work out for me, did it.  I have >500 journal entries regarding my travels through life - how the universe pulled me out of that haze, and taught me how to balance the material world’s drag on my psyche with the maintenance of being a spiritual being.  It is how I found my path into medicine. 

Looking back it makes so much sense to me, how I wound up here.  My kids (who keep me anchored), don’t know the half of my life.  Tonight I spilled a little of it to my niece in law.  I was surprised I spoke of my true beliefs.  So many don’t want to hear them.  Her response?  “I always knew you weren’t normal”. Made me laugh.

I’m old enough now to wax philosophical- I’m going to haul my sorry ass to bed now.  It is nice to just write again.